Al-Anon, a mutual-help group for people with alcoholic friends or family members, pioneered the idea of detachment with love. A core principle of Al-Anon is that alcoholics cannot learn from their mistakes if they are overprotected.

That word "overprotected" has many meanings. For example, it means calling in sick for your husband if he is too drunk to show up for work. Overprotecting also means telling children that mommy didn't show up for the school play because she had to work late, when the truth is that she was at a bar until midnight.

We used to call such actions "enabling," because they enabled alcoholics to continue drinking. Today we use the word "adapting," which is less blaming.

Originally, detachment with love was a call for family members to stop adapting. But as Al-Anon grew, people misunderstood detachment with love as a way to scare alcoholics into changing. Such as, "If you don't go to treatment, I'll leave you!" Such threats were a gamble that fear could force an alcoholic into seeking help.

For years the concept of detachment with love got stuck there. In fact, people still call Hazelden and ask, " If the person I love continues to drink or use other drugs, should I leave?"

My response is to ask family members to consider a deeper meaning of detachment with love. This meaning centers on new questions: What are your needs beyond the needs of the alcoholic or addict? How can you take care of yourself even if the person you love chooses not to get help?

Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives-the desire to control others.

Ultimately we are powerless to control others anyway. Most family members of an addicted person have been trying to change that person for a long time, and it hasn't worked. We are involved with other people but we don't control them. We simply can't stop people from doing things if they choose to continue.

Understood this way, detachment with love plants the seeds of recovery. When we refuse to take responsibility for other people's alcohol or drug use, we allow them to face the natural consequences of their behavior. If a child asks why mommy missed the school play, we do not have to lie. Instead, we can say, "I don't know why she wasn't here. You'll have to ask her."

Perhaps the essence of detachment with love is responding with choice rather than reacting with anxiety. When we threaten to leave someone, we're usually tuned in to someone else's feelings. We operate on raw emotion. We say things for shock value. Our words arise from blind reaction, not thoughtful choice.

Detachment with love offers another option -- responding to others based on thought rather than anxiety. For instance, as parents we set limits for our children even when this angers them. We choose what we think is best over the long term, looking past the children's immediate emotional reaction.

In this sense, detachment with love can apply whenever we have an emotional attachment to someone-family or friend, addicted or sober. The key is to stop being responsible forothers and be responsible to them-and to ourselves.

The path between wanting and having is doing. To stop just wanting, and begin having, then start doing.

The greatest, most well-conceived plans are worthless if they're not acted upon. If it's going to happen, someone must make it happen.

All sorts of outstanding opportunities are open to the person who is willing to take action. Be that person, take that action, with commitment and persistence, and reap the valuable rewards of fulfilling those opportunities.

You don't have to be a world-renowned genius to be smart enough to take action. You don't need anyone's permission to act on your dream.

You must simply do it. Figure out what has to happen and take complete responsibility for making it happen.

Anything you truly desire is within your reach. Simply stand up, lift up your commitment, lift up your spirit, lift up your arms and do precisely that -- reach.

~Ralph Marston

Ingredients

1 box Uncle Ben Original long grain and wild rice mix
1/2 cup onion, chopped
1/2 cup green pepper, chopped
1/2 cup red bell pepper, chopped
2 tsp. Italian seasoning
1 lb. boneless chicken breast, cooked and cubed
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup frozen corn, thawed
1 cup frozen peas, thawed
12 oz. sour cream
6 oz. shredded Cheddar cheese

Methods/steps

Preheat oven to 350. Cook rice according to package directions, but omit spice packet. Spray large skillet with baking spray; heat over medium heat until hot. Add onion, green and red pepper, and Italian seasoning. Cover and cook 5 minutes over medium heat. Uncover, and cook until vegetables are tender and excess moisture is gone, about 5-8 minutes. Combine all ingredients except 2/3 cup shredded cheese. Spoon into a 2-quart casserole dish. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake uncovered 30-40 minutes or until hot and bubbly.

Once a  month residents and staff have a volunteer operation at the DreamPower Therapeutic Equestrian Center located in Cumming, Georgia.  The center is a very special place as you will read below and the residents enjoyed being part of the experience. It will be an opportunity to give back to others with special and specific needs, to engage with the horses and to obtain a sense of accomplishment.

DreamPower's Mission :
Their mission is to provide an equestrian therapeutic environment for physically and mentally challenged children and adults which will allow them to explore and achieve basic life functions to the best of their abilities; to create a sense of freedom, independence and accomplishment for the challenged athlete which cannot be achieved or duplicated in the traditional therapy settings; and to continue to grow in our dedication and responsibility in providing a quality equine activities program for individuals with disabilities.

Magic of the Movement:
Horses are natural therapy tools.  Their walking gait almost perfectly simulates the movement of a person's pelvis when walking on two healthy legs. During a therapeutic riding session, this action relaxes and stimulates unused muscles, builds muscle tone, and improves balance, coordination and joint mobility.  The therapist directs the horse's movements to stimulate specific neuromuscular reactions.  In the case of mental or emotional disorders, the process of learning to ride is used to improve concentration, and increase confidence, patience and self esteem.

The Team:
The therapy team includes a horse, a therapist or certified riding instructor, and volunteers who work directly with the horse and rider to ensure safety.  Each horse is carefully chosen for its quiet personality and suitable movement, then specially trained for this type of work.

A Unique Bond Between Horse and Rider:
Therapy experts have found that patients respond to the horses with an enthusiasm that can't be matched in the traditional clinical environment.  Their horses accept each individual unconditionally, no questions asked.  The strong bond that soon develops becomes a vital part of therapy.