One of the most difficult situations is trying to help a family member with addiction.  The life of someone we love is going right down the toilet unless something is done.  Since our addicted loved one isn't doing anything, we naturally feel the need to bail them out.  This is a recipe for disaster with most addicts.  In this article, we'll navigate the dangerous waters of addiction to help you save the life of your loved one without drowning yourself.

Nature Of Addiction:  The nature of addiction is a lie we addicts tell ourselves, that a drug or drink or other substance or action will fill the void in us and make us feel whole, if only temporarily.  Unfortunately, the hole in us is ever expanding as we become more and more dependent on a drug to feel complete.  Unless a dramatic change takes place in the way we addicts see ourselves, we will go from one substance to another to try and fill the vacuum our lives have become.  Here are some recent books on how to help a loved one recover from addiction. 

Don't Believe A Word An Addict Says:  It isn't that your loved one wants to deceive you or let you down in any way.  It's that the drug has become who they are.  They feel the drug is essential to survival, so, when forced to make a choice between their loved one or their drug, most addicts choose the drug.  The one skill addicts hone to perfection is deception and manipulation so they can get more of their drug.  We've seen the love of countless family members be used against them so the addict can get more drugs.  If your loved one promises to quit, to go into rehab, to get a job, if you'll "help" them out just this once more, don't believe it.  Believe what they do, not what they say.  If they voluntarily quit and check themselves into a program, have hope.  When you insist on seeing solid proof, you're helping your loved one understand what it's going to take. 

Set Solid Boundaries:  This is where your help is needed most.  By setting solid boundaries and being inflexible to their pressure, you show your addicted loved one how important it is to live within those boundaries.  Addicts are just like spoiled children.  They will pressure you with lies, tantrums, withholding love, whatever it takes to get what they want out of you.  Once they have it, you won't hear from them again until they need something else.  If your boundary is solid, just like a child, your addicted loved one will feel more secure and more loved.  Obviously, the most important boundary with an addiction is to quit.  If you have an addict staying with you and there is no condition that they quit their addiction, you have no boundary.  If your loved one isn't staying with you but asks for help every now and then, the boundary has to be the same...quitting.  It isn't love to give a child everything it wants...it's abuse.

To Help Them Don't Help Them:  We've heard from many family members who felt they weren't contributing to their loved one's addiction...just helping them survive.  As painful as it is, if you have a loved one so addicted to drugs or alcohol that they need your help for food, clothes or housing, the worst thing you can do is give those things to them.  It makes it easier for them do be an addict.  By helping support them, we are enabling them to use whatever money they get from other sources (often, the Government) to buy their drug.  The only way we can help them while they're using is to let them fall flat on their faces.  Let them feel every bit of the pain and wretchedness their choices have brought them to.  The more pain they feel, the more willing they will be to do what it takes to get clean.  One woman was so hooked on speed Social Services took her 3 children away.  She got clean, got a job and, after 18 months, got her children back.  For her, losing her children was "hitting bottom."  We don't know where the "bottom" is for our loved ones.  For me, it was the hurt and fear I saw in my wife's face.   Sadly, some die before they hit bottom.  This is why the waters of addiction are treacherous.  Sometimes, when you're trying to save someone they pull you under.

Don't You Become Addicted:  One of the less publicized things they teach life guards is how to keep from being drowned by someone they're trying to save.  The same thing can happen with an addicted loved one.  Many think they're safe if they don't use the same substance.  This isn't true!  When trying to help someone recover from addiction, many become addicted to being needed by the addict.  Codependency is as serious an addiction as any drug.  If you're helping an addicted loved one, you should take a codependency test to see where you stand.  Many have found themselves unintentionally keeping a loved one dependent on drugs just to feed their own addiction to being needed.  The way you express your love for someone can actually be an addiction.

Help that isn't codependent will be expressed by how strongly we oppose what our addicted loved ones want, even if they mistreat and abuse us as a result.  If we love them, we won't believe them, we will set firm boundaries and we won't help them as long as they're abusing a substance.  True love is expressed by doing and saying, not what your loved ones want, but what they need...even if it means losing their love.

E-Home Fellowship

 Good reading means building frameworks for connecting words to thoughts.

The Purpose of Reading.
The purpose of reading is to connect the ideas on the page to what you already know. If you don't know anything about a subject, then pouring words of text into your mind is like pouring water into your hand. You don't retain much. For example, try reading these numbers:

7516324 This is hard to read and remember.
751-6324 This is easier because of chunking.
123-4567 This is easy to read because of prior knowledge and structure.

Similarly, if you like sports, then reading the sports page is easy. You have a framework in your mind for reading, understanding and storing information.

Improving Comprehension.
Reading comprehension requires motivation, mental frameworks for holding ideas, concentration and good study techniques. Here are some suggestions.

Develop a broad background.
Broaden your background knowledge by reading newspapers, magazines and books. Become interested in world events.

Know the structure of paragraphs.
Good writers construct paragraphs that have a beginning, middle and end. Often, the first sentence will give an overview that helps provide a framework for adding details. Also, look for transitional words, phrases or paragraphs that change the topic.

Identify the type of reasoning.
Does the author use cause and effect reasoning, hypothesis, model building, induction or deduction, systems thinking? See section 20 for more examples on critical thinking skills.

Anticipate and predict.
Really smart readers try to anticipate the author and predict future ideas and questions. If you're right, this reinforces your understanding. If you're wrong, you make adjustments quicker.

Look for the method of organization.
Is the material organized chronologically, serially, logically, functionally, spatially or hierarchical? See section 10 for more examples on organization.

Create motivation and interest.
Preview material, ask questions, discuss ideas with classmates. The stronger your interest, the greater your comprehension.

Pay attention to supporting cues.
Study pictures, graphs and headings. Read the first and last paragraph in a chapter, or the first sentence in each section.

Highlight, summarize and review.
Just reading a book once is not enough. To develop a deeper understanding, you have to highlight, summarize and review important ideas.

Build a good vocabulary.
For most educated people, this is a lifetime project. The best way to improve your vocabulary is to use a dictionary regularly. You might carry around a pocket dictionary and use it to look up new words. Or, you can keep a list of words to look up at the end of the day. Concentrate on roots, prefixes and endings.

Monitor effectiveness.
Good readers monitor their attention, concentration and effectiveness. They quickly recognize if they've missed an idea and backup to reread it.

Should You Vocalize Words?

Yes, although it is faster to form words in your mind rather than on your lips or throat. Eye motion is also important. Frequent backtracking slows you down considerably.

Donald Martin, How to be a Successful Student

Stop stopping yourself. Stop holding yourself back.

Yes, the world throws all sorts of difficult challenges your way. And you can find a way to transcend every one of them.

Yet you must choose to do so. You must make the commitment, deep within yourself, to live with richness and purpose and fulfillment.

Many events, people and situations will challenge you and impede your progress.

However, the only limitations that can stop you completely are the limitations you place on yourself.

See that the doubts and limiting beliefs are of no use to you. Choose to simply and effortlessly let them go, just like that.

Your dreams are calling to you right now, calling for you to begin living them in this very moment. Stop holding yourself back, and let yourself be all you know you can be.