| HERO House California |  | |
The "Great Room" at the new Men's residence. |
| HERO House California |  | |
The grand kitchen of the new Men's residence in California. |
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Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.
~Mahatma Gandhi | | |
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Endurance is nobler than strength, and patience than beauty.
~John Ruskin |
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The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
~Helen Keller |
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The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience,
but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~Martin Luther King, Jr. |
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| Definition of a hero
he·ro Pronunciation Key (hîro) n. pl. he·roes
1. In mythology and legend, a person, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed
with great courage and strength, celebrated for their bold exploits, and
favored by the gods.
2. A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life.
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Thursday, December 9, 2010 Volume 3, Issue 1
Our primary focus is our own recovery and rebuilding our own lives. We will lead by example and not interfere with another's recovery. |
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Stress, depression and the holidays: 10 tips for coping | |
Stress and depression can ruin your holidays and hurt your health. Being realistic, planning ahead and seeking support can help ward off stress and depression.
By Mayo Clinic staff
The holiday season, which begins for most Americans with Thanksgiving and continues through New Year's Day, often brings unwelcome guests - stress and depression. And it's no wonder. In an effort to pull off a perfect holiday, you might find yourself facing a dizzying array of demands - parties, shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining, to name a few. So much for peace and joy, right?
Actually, with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress and depression that often accompany the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.
Recognize holiday triggers
Learn to recognize common holiday triggers, so you can disarm them before they lead to a meltdown:
¨ Relationships. Relationships can cause turmoil, conflict or stress at any time, but tensions are often heightened during the holidays. Family misunderstandings and conflicts can intensify - especially if you're thrust together for several days. On the other hand, facing the holidays without a loved one can be tough and leave you feeling lonely and sad.
¨ Finances. With the added expenses of gifts, travel, food and entertainment, the holidays can put a strain on your budget - and your peace of mind. Not to mention that overspending now can mean financial worries for months to come.
¨ Physical demands. Even die-hard holiday enthusiasts may find that the extra shopping and socializing can leave them wiped out. Being exhausted increases your stress, creating a vicious cycle. Exercise and sleep - good antidotes for stress and fatigue - may take a back seat to chores and errands. To top it off, burning the wick at both ends makes you more susceptible to colds and other unwelcome guests.
Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression
When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.
1. Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
2. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
3. Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can't come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videotapes.
4. Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression too.
5. Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.
6. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
7. Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
8. Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity.
9. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
10. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.
Take control of the holidays
Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you may find that you enjoy the holidays this year more than you thought you could. |
| Living the Serenity Prayer: The Wisdom to Know the Difference |
Many of us know and love the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant us serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Many of us spend too much time anxious about things we cannot change: the economy, the weather, traffic on the freeway, or people who annoy us. As a result, we don't have the energy to make the most of the opportunities we do have. Recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot change can help us live more peaceful and productive lives.
Acknowledge Your Conditioning
Some people have a harder time with the first line of the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change, while others have a harder time mustering the courage to change what they can. Often these patterns can be traced to family or cultural conditioning. Reflect on the messages you received growing up. Were you expected to be passive and submit to what others wanted? Were you trained to be in control, so that letting go is more difficult for you today? Sometimes just acknowledging your family or social conditioning can help you to let go of old patterns that are no longer serving you.
Know Yourself
Many spiritual traditions teach that knowing yourself is a lifelong pursuit, but one that can help you feel more at peace with yourself and other people. Spending time alone-walking in the woods, meditating, or journaling-can put you in touch with what's really going on inside you. When you acknowledge these feelings, you can make a conscious choice about what to accept and what to change, rather than letting yourself be ruled by unconscious feelings.
Pay Attention to Your Inner Voice
When you get a feeling that something isn't right, pay attention. That may be a sign of something you need to change. We human beings have a tremendous ability to deny our inner truths or talk ourselves out of making changes that might seem scary or difficult at first, but usually we know what is right deep down. Pay special attention to intuitions that persist over time or that come with a sense of peace and clarity. The more you pay attention to your Inner Voice, the more clearly it will guide you.
Learn from Your Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes, but many of us waste too much energy beating ourselves up over them. While psychologists have not agreed on one standard definition of wisdom, they do agree that one of the qualities wise people share is the ability to learn from their mistakes. When things don't go the way you hoped, instead of focusing on what you did wrong or what someone else did to mess things up, think about what you might do differently next time.
Cultivate Optimism
Monitor your pessimistic thoughts and try to find evidence to refute them. Psychologists have found it is particularly helpful to censor categorical words like "never" from your thinking. Just because something didn't work out last time, that doesn't mean it won't work next time. Instead of simply repeating positive affirmations, point out to yourself the things that you can do to bring a more positive result in the future. Cultivating optimism has been shown to make it much more likely you'll be able to change the things you can, as well as accept the things you can't.
Practice Letting Go
Life is full of opportunities to let go and trust. Practice with the little things: a lost earring, a flat tire, or an uncooperative toddler. In such situations, take a deep breath and monitor your thoughts. If you are angry or frustrated, don't pretend you are not. Just observe your own emotion, and then see if you can release it with a deep breath. For many people, prayer helps. Turning a problem over to a Higher Power can bring tremendous relief.
Cultivate Community
Whether it's a religious congregation, a Twelve-Step group, or just a gang of really good friends, community can help us develop wisdom. We need people who will tell us when we're acting wimpy or pigheaded, as well as point out our strengths and encourage them. We also need people who will support us when we hit tough times and cheer for us when we succeed. If you don't have such support in your life, think about where you might be able to find it. If you do have people like that, count them among your blessings.
Eileen Flanagan is the author of The Wisdom to Know the Difference: When to Make a Change-and When to Let Go. Visit her website EileenFlanagan.com | |
Top 10 Self Care Strategies for Overall Stress Reduction |  Why getting help for a loved one really matters now
From Your Guide, Elizabeth Scott, for About.com
You can't always control the circumstances that life throws your way, but you can control how well you take care of yourself. Taking proper care of your body, soul and mind can keep you in optimum shape for handling stress. The following are some important basic self care strategies that can keep you functioning well and ready for life's challenges.
1. Get Enough Sleep
Sleep is very important for your emotional and physical wellbeing. Lack of sleep can negatively impact your ability to handle stress, be productive, and function properly. Unfortunately, busy schedules and stress can make sleep more elusive. Here are some important ways you can make sleep come more easily. And if you really aren't able to get enough sleep at night, don't underestimate the value of a power nap!
2. Maintain Proper Nutrition
Many people aren't aware of this, but a poor diet can actually make you more vulnerable to stress! While hectic schedules can make it harder to get proper nutrition, a poor diet is not inevitable! Here are some important tips for maintaining a healthy diet when stressed. Follow them, and you may be surprised by how much stress you can handle!
3. Exercise Regularly
Exercise can be great for you physically and mentally. It provides a stress release and keeps your body healthy. It also helps your body release endorphins, which increase your feelings of overall wellbeing. Read more on the positive effects of exercise, and find resources for getting started with an activity that suits you. (Hint: Pets make great workout buddies!)
4. Maintain Social Support
Social support can keep you healthier and happier, creating a buffer against stress. Friends can pick you up when you're sad, provide insights when you're confused, and help you have fun when you need to blow off steam. Learn how to cultivate supportive friendships and expand your social circle so you'll have someone to lean on when stressed. (Don't forget, it's important to provide a supportive ear when your friends need it, too! Find out how to develop effective listening skills.)
5. Find Hobbies
Having some "down time" is important, and hobbies can provide a nice distraction from stress and help you stay 'in the moment', which is also a great way to relieve tension. I recommend drawing and gardening as great stress relievers, but just about anything you enjoy can work. Here are some other unconventional stress relievers that can provide some fun and distraction from stress.
6. Pamper Yourself
Taking care of your body on the outside-with a spa treatment, for example, can work wonders for your internal state. Don't overlook the importance of pampering yourself on a regular basis, to feel great about yourself and feel ready to take on the world.
7. Keep Your Mind Sharp
If you maintain the attitude that stress is a challenge-rather than a threat, you are better able to handle it. And by keeping your mind sharp, you are more equipped to solve the problems and take on the "challenges" that life presents. Fortunately, games like The Stress Relief Memory Game, Affirmations Hangman and The Inspirational Quote Daily Cryptogram can be fun to play, and also provide you the tools to manage stress in your life!
8. Have The Right Attitude
Much of what you experience in life can feel more stressful or less so depending of your point of view. Looking at things from an optimistic frame of mind can not only decrease your stress level, but bring you more success in life and more. You can become more of an optimist by following these tips. You can even change ingrained negative thought patterns to more positive ones by using positive affirmations. (Not sure if you're an optimist or pessimist? Take this quiz.)
9. Process Your Emotions
Keeping your emotions bottled up usually leads to an emotional explosion later on. It's generally healthier to listen to your feelings, process them and try to understand them. Consider them 'messengers' that tell you when something is not right with your world. A great way to process emotions is the act of journaling. When you write about your feelings, and potential solutions to your problems, you can reduce stress in your life and even see some health benefits!
10. Maintain a Spiritual Practice
Research shows that a lifestyle including religion or spirituality is generally a healthier lifestyle. Many people, especially seniors, use prayer as a major stress reliever and strategy for emotional health. You can use prayer to enhance your spiritual side, or use meditation of you don't feel comfortable with prayer. Spiritual practice is deeply personal, and whatever your practice, it should nurture your soul. |
The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love | |
By Angelyn Miller
DO YOU CONFUSE BEING NEEDED WITH BEING LOVED?
DO YOU RELATE TO OTHERS BY TAKING CARE OF THEM?
ARE THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU UNABLE TO STAND ON THEIR OWN TWO FEET?
Co-dependency-of which enabling is a major dynamic-can and does exist in families where there is no active chemical dependency. Author Angelyn Miller's own experience is a dramatic example: the ultimate "super-mom", neither Miller nor her husband drank. Yet in spite of her best efforts, she found her family disintegrating. The more she tried to help, the worse things got, until she discovered that "helping" was the problem.
Using her own family as an example, Miller tells how she came to the painful realization that she was an enabler. The enabler protects others from the consequences of their actions. By always taking responsibility for those around them, enablers hurt the very people they love the most.
Gradually, she learned to alter her behavior and broke the cycle of co-dependence. In this book she offers insights, techniques, and hope, showing how enabling relationships can be transformed into healthy ones.
Book Review by Annette M.
I am reading The Enabler by Angelyn Miller, MA. It is a short and quick read. If you haven't already read it but struggle with enabling those you love, I encourage you to read it.
I have often wondered why my kids struggle with breaking into adulthood. Why are they so afraid? What did I do that created this? If it was just one then I wouldn't be so ready to take responsibility, but its all three of the older kids. H is crippled by her fears. Big brother has managed well, but he was afraid and floundered around wondering what to do for quite a while too. M is on her way and says her dream is to own her own cafe'! Or be a therapist. lol None of them dream big and think the world is their oyster and anything is possible. They tip their toe in the water and test it and come back for reassurance that "its ok, go ahead, give it a try."
They don't understand the concept of it being a process. You start small and you work into all of the responsibilities of adulthood in time. They wonder how dad and I ever got to where we are...married with 4 kids, jobs, and a mortgage. Whoo hoo! They were infants when we rented our first few places. They were small kids when D's dad helped us to purchase our first house....so they didn't see these things happening. They didn't witness the process with any understanding of all that went into it.
In the beginning of this book the author shared a moving day experience. The family was moving. The husband who struggles with depression and anxiety couldn't handle the move so contributed nothing tangible as in helping with lifting or carrying out boxes...due to his condition. The kids helped minimally, making unfulfilled promises of chores to be done, until they were released from duty from the enabling momma who ended up doing it all herself while the rest of the family went on a bike ride. She found herself feeling resentful. I could so relate to this...although I usually would have D working alongside me because he knew the wrath that would come forth later if I was left alone (the martyr) to do everything.
I have to say this used to be our life. I have learned and grown into the place that I can now ask for help, set goals for a day and delegate to make sure we work in that direction and come as close as possible to reaching our destination of accomplishment. I can now recognize that if I am working alone it is because I am choosing to and not asking for help....and that realization shuts me up pretty quickly. :o) I still struggle occasionally with the whole martyrdom thing though. "Why can't anyone just know what I need? Why do I have to explain, ask?" We have all lived together for many years now, they should all know the way I like the house to be, the way I fold the towels so they will fit into the linen closet the most effectively, how I don't like to let dishes dry in the left side of our double sink...because no one ever ends up putting them away. These things still bug me...but I realize I have a choice now.
As I read this book I could see the co-relation to my own parenting using quick fixes, not allowing my kids any space to be unhappy...because if they were unhappy that meant I was some how failing. I didn't give them space to work through stuff. I was always right there to "help." Of course I thought this meant I was a loving, good mom, always available, always supportive and there for my family.
Instead what I did was send a message that you can't manage life without me. It came down to my need to be needed, to my own deep insecurity. If you don't want me, at least you will need me.
Somehow, fortunately despite all of my input, my kids have figured out, due to no help from me, that they will feel better when they manage on their own as adults. Fortunately I found Alanon so I have learned to detach with love, most of the time....I am always in process and there are some instances that come up that I have to work really hard at. Finding the middle ground of being a loving mother, but not enabling is tricky.
Recently my son was really sick. I was down in his area...he lives about 35 miles from us, and I thought I would stop and buy him some cans of soup and some orange juice and drop it all off. As I shopped I kept adding stuff to my cart...cold medicine, tylenol, a thermometer, *lots* of food. I had to stop and look at my cart and decide what was appropriate and what wasn't. I was in "enabling overkill mom mode." He has his own cold medicine, thermometer and tylenol. I ended up buying some good juices, some soup, some tangerines, and some Vicks vapor rub....because that I was sure he didn't have! I dropped it all off, without even going in because I didn't want to get sick. He thanked me, blew me a kiss from the door and that was it.
In the old days I would not have checked my cart, I would have put myself at risk of sickness which for me means missed work, lost wages, and charged in to his house and cooked the soup and served it to him, made sure he was comfortable on the couch with remote in hand, juice sitting nearby on table, and blanket covering his sick and feverish body.
This time I gave him the dignity to be a sick man, to take care of himself. I sent the message with my actions that he is capable and able to manage on his own without my help. The groceries were simply a loving act for my son. "I'm thinking about you and hope you feel better soon." But I stayed out of his business. I waited to be invited in and I wasn't so I went on my way. And the best part is that I was totally good with that.
So I am learning. Progress not perfection. This book was eye opening in many ways and explained the "why" behind some of my behaviors and some of the results. A book worth reading if you find yourself doing for others what they can and should do for themselves. |
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You have chosen every thought, every feeling, every response and every action. Now you have the opportunity to choose again.
If you're completely satisfied with where you are, keep making the same choices that have brought you here. If you prefer to experience more valuable, fulfilling results, then make more positive, appropriate choices.
Any outcome is within your power to create because any choice is within your power to make. The priorities you choose determine the realities you get.
Every moment of every day you are exerting a powerful and effective influence on your world. Whether that influence is positive or negative depends entirely on the choices you make.
Not only can you choose, you can learn from what you choose and continually improve the quality of your choices as you make more and more of them. Because you're able to learn and adapt, nothing you truly desire is out of your reach.
So look deep within and become familiar with your most authentic desires. Then commit to making the choices that will fulfill every one of them.
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This will give your house a warm, comforting aroma especially around the holidays.
Ingredients
2 cinnamon sticks
3 whole cloves
3 whole allspice or 1 1/2 tsp. ground allspice
3 cups water
Methods/steps
Combine everything in a small saucepan.
Bring to boil, reduce heat to lowest setting.
Let simmer for hours and add more water as needed. |
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First Green HERO House
Program Director, California
 The young men of HERO House California and the HERO House offices have just moved into Orange County's first 'Platinum' custom home as rated by the US Green Building Council's (USGBC) Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED®) for Homes Program. This residence will be able to house 11 young men, a house manager, and the HERO House offices, all very comfortably. Just as the HERO House program is innovative for college students in recovery, so is this house. This home is at the very top of the 'going green' movement.
In green construction, preference is given to environmentally preferred building materials. Products extracted, processed and manufactured locally require less energy to transport, easing air pollution and reducing global warming. Saving natural resources used in the manufacture and transportation of building products also includes building a durable home that requires less replacement of materials in the future due to damage from water, wind, sunlight, pests, natural disasters and everyday wear and tear. LEED® for Homes requires the Architect to create a checklist of durability measures to be completed by the Contractor and inspected by a third party official. The Architect's drawings also must include more detailing of waterproofing, insulation and ventilation around the house envelope. With its high performance design and rooftop solar panels, the house exceeds the requirements of California's Energy Code by 40 percent. Electrical bills should be zero dollars except for the standard add-on fees.
The 4,900 square foot residence has 6 bedrooms, 6-1/2 baths, an office and a game or movie room. Luckily, the lot's street frontage was wide enough so that the 3-car garage does not affect the beauty of the house. |
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Upcoming Events in Atlanta
*OVO - Cirque du Soleil
Friday, December 17, 2010
4:00 pm
OVO is a headlong rush into a colourful ecosystem teeming with life, where insects work,eat, crawl, flutter, play, fight and look for love in a non-stop riot of energy and movement. The insects' home is a world of biodiversity and beauty filled with noisy action and moments of quiet emotion.
When a mysterious egg appears in their midst, the insects are awestruck and intensely curious about this iconic object that represents the enigma and cycles of their lives.
It's love at first sight when a gawky, quirky insect arrives in this bustling community and a fabulous ladybug catches his eye - and the feeling is mutual.
OVO is overflowing with contrasts. The hidden, secret world at our feet is revealed as tender and torrid, noisy and quiet, peaceful and chaotic. And as the sun rises on a bright new day the vibrant cycle of insect life begins anew.
*High Museum of Art ~ Salvador Dali
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
12:30 pm - 4:30 pm
Astonishing. Brilliant. Provocative.
Meet the man whose art-and personality-were larger than life. Dalí: The Late Work brings together a stunning collection of more than 40 paintings, plus film, sculptures and photographs-many never before seen in public. The exhibition considers for the first time the diverse body of work that Dalí created in the last forty years of his career. Reinventing himself during the 1940s, Dalí used his art to visually explore science, psychology, and religion-as he often said, painting the subject matter of his time.
"Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway."
~Mary Kay Ash |
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About The HERO House
The HERO House is a recovery residence for college students in early sobriety. We serve men and women in separate residences, based upon Peer-to-Peer Recovery Support, grounded in the 12-Step process. The HERO House is a community of students in recovery, sharing life experiences and helping each other achieve long term, quality sobriety and a manner of living that will make them outstanding contributors to our society.
Additionally, at the Higher Education Recovery Option, we work with students to return to school and to find the tools necessary to be successful while sober, on a college campus. We tell residents at intake that our program is typically a one-year program; however, we recognize some residents will finish early and some will need additional time. To successfully complete our program, residents need to complete a 12-Step Program, successfully complete one full-time semester of college, and to advance through all four of our levels of competency at The HERO House. |
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