Effects of Substance Abuse on the Family

When one family member is afflicted with the disease of drug or alcohol addiction, the entire family is affected. Repercussions can take the form of spouse or child abuse, divorce, accidents and negligence, financial loss, stress, and many other effects not so readily apparent.

Family members may invest substantial efforts into keeping up appearances for the addicted individual. The pain of admitting that they cannot control what is happening to the family can be unbearable. Trying to control the substance abuser by removing the drugs or alcohol, eliciting promises of abstinence, and covering up the substance abuse are some of the ways families are drawn into the abuser's sickness.

Although some family members may seem perfectly healthy, underlying attitudes and behaviors have been shaped by dealing with the substance abuse by the family member:

Linking of self esteem to the abstinence or relapse of the addict - many family members believe they can control the addict's illness and blame themselves for relapses.

• Excluding their own needs by assuming responsibility for the addict's.
• Anxiety about intimacy and separation.
•  Depression.
• Ultra-sensitivity to subtle shifts in the addict's behavior and mood.
• Stress-related medical illnesses.

Ongoing Stress of Addiction

Those closest to the substance abuse patient are considerably affected by the drug or alcohol addiction behavior and require attention to their own suffering. Because the lives of all family members are inseparable, substance abuse is most effective when treated as a family disease.

Imagine if you will, here's this condition where you have a loved one and every day you do your normal day-to-day living.  When you add substance abuse into the picture, you add a question mark at every moment of every day. 

So let's pretend that you are a spouse and you come home from work. When substance abuse is in the picture, you have one question. I wonder if he's gonna be sober when he walks in the door? I wonder when I walk in the house if I'm gonna find her sleeping from the prescription pills again? I wonder if . . . what is gonna happen, who's gonna handle the kids tonight? ... So you are in a perpetual state of uncertainty. 

And then you add in the next day where they come in and they're completely normal. They didn't use that day, and they act as if they have no knowledge of what you're talking about. Why are you so upset with me? I didn't drink today. You should be happy. And they're just carrying this stress with them and it just unloads and often there is an over-reaction. 

Then you add in ... how embarrassing it must be. My husband has an alcohol problem. Shouldn't my love be good enough for him to not want to drink? I'm a nice, loving person. Why are they using drugs? What am I not giving them? 

You add in another dimension. A person with a substance abuse or addiction problem will often pretend that it's not really there. Oh, honey, you're just over reacting. I had a few beers last night. I don't know why you're always making a big deal out of nothing. And often there's anger in that. 

So there's such a mixture of feelings and stressors for a long period of time, that for me, the greatest sadness is how the treatment field has not developed a proper approach to truly support and be with the family during this terrible journey that often is years. 

Find Support: for yourself.

Family members i.e. spouses, parents, children are susceptible to their own issues as a result of dealing with addiction in the family i.e. isolation, depression, behavior issues in children, work performance, financial impact.  You also become a positive role model for others in your family by seeking help.

Suggested avenues of support:

• Mutual support groups: Al-Anon, Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Celebrate Recovery
• Individual and family psychotherapy
• Family groups: treatment, religious institution, community counseling centers
• Get a sponsor/mentor: someone you can call, anytime to 'bounce things around' with before saying or doing something you may regret!

~Todd Barlow

Although hope is defined as "a wish or desire accompanied by confidant expectation of its' fulfillment" (www.Dictionary.com) it remains a concept that defies simple definition. Hope begins as a space in our inner world for possibility. It involves an idea that we may be able to escape from some kind of personal imprisonment, addiction or obsession. This potential for liberation provides us with feelings of elevation and release which generate the energy needed to persevere through adversity and begin to make difficult changes.

·         Practice Hope. Hope is found in stories. Read stories about hope; write stories about hope; search for hope in all of your experiences. Apply new interpretations to old stories. Looking at your own experience from the perspective of someone who has hope for you(e.g., a grandmother or a good friend) can be very uplifting.

·         The telling and retelling of our stories helps us to develop perspective and allows us the opportunity to reinterpret them in a more compassionate way. Ask yourself what ahopeful person would do in this situation, and then try it.

·         Hope thrives in community. Isolation breeds despair. Any kind of positive group involvement can help to encourage hope. Social groups, recreational groups, church groups, and support groups can all provide a forum for us to explore hope. Hope is encouraged when we realize that we are not alone, and when we are able to be honest about our own experiences with others who are respectful and listen without judgment. Strategies for dealing with problems can be shared but solutions are not a necessity. Our burdens may feel lighter simply by sharing them. When we are despairing, other community members can remember our strengths and hopes and reflect them back to us.

·         Volunteer work or service to the community helps to build hope. Discovering that we have something of value to offer to others despite our troubles can remind us of our intrinsic worth.

·         Humor encourages hope. Whenever we can look at life and see the absurdity of it and engage with others playfully, hope is present. Humor and laughter dramatically increase a sense of well-being and provide release from despair and pain.

·         Problems and illness have a way of overshadowing all other parts of our identity. It is important to shift your focus on to who you are without your troubles.

·         In the recent film, "The Pianist", based on the true story of Holocaust survivor Wladyslaw Szpilman, we see that his passion for music is what keeps his hope alive in the midst of unbearable suffering. What is your passion?   What activities do you engage in that allow you to feel most in touch with yourself? If these are difficult to answer don't interpret this as a sign of hopelessness. Instead, try to view it as an opportunity to explore and rediscover your interests. Try to be open to creative activities. Poetry, music, writing and the visual arts may offer a pathway back to hope.

·         Thinking positively is an essential part of the practice of hope. Psychologist Martin Seligman points out that "finding temporary and specific causes of misfortune is the art of hope." If we see our troubles as permanent and all pervasive it contributes to a sense of helplessness and despair. All-or-nothing thinking leads to seeing troubles in this overinclusive way and needs to be challenged whenever possible. Optimism can be learned and practiced.

·         Practice mindfulness. No matter what has happened in the past, we are always beginning anew. Remind yourself "Where there is breath there is life, and where there is life there is hope." No matter what you are doing, try to be more emotionally present by focusing your attention on this moment. Yoga, meditation and prayer are a few of the ways one can increase mindfulness.

·         Choose your friends and caregivers with great care. Surround yourself with people who encourage your hope. Do not share your hope with people who you know will discourage or devalue it. Ask people if they will be part of your "hope team." Seek out positive people and search for resources to assist in your learning.

·         Ronna Jevne, psychologist from Hope Foundation in Alberta proposes that just as we have a first aid kit for physical injuries, we should compile a hope kit for unexpected adversity. It should be small enough to carry and should contain reminders that encourage your hope. Collect and keep articles that can serve as tangible symbols of your hope.

·         Be aware of the power of your words. The words that we choose to describe our selves and our experiences have a real and lasting influence on how we feel. Choose them consciously and be certain to search for words that encourage hope.