Suggestions for Family Members of a Young Adult Addict
Having a child with an addictive disorder is difficult. There is no “Parent 101” manual that teaches you how to handle the recovery process and how to take care of yourself and your other family members while you have a student at The HERO House. One of our primary goals is to help family members as well as our students learn how to live with addiction and recover in the best way possible. Parents have regular contact with our staff and can visit pretty much whenever they’d like.
Here are some other suggestions that will help you in your recovery as well as the recovery of your loved one.
Learn about Addiction:
Understand that Addictive Disorder is a progressive disease with its own signs and symptoms outlined by the American Medical Association.
- Attend Family Weekend each time it is offered.
- Attend family workshops in your area
Learn how to stop enabling:
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a common reaction of family members is to try to control the external circumstances and/ or consequences of the addict’s life in an effort to control the addiction. Very often, this is the unconscious, reflex action of a parent. Remember that you cannot stop an addict from using drugs or alcohol, but you can stop protecting them from the consequences of that behavior. It is the consequences that invariably are the impetus for seeking help to recover. Enabling is doing for them what they could or should do for themselves. Many Young Adults are learning basic life tasks for the first time i.e. budgeting, doing laundry, meal planning. Doing for them robs them of the opportunity to learn to do for themselves and even more importantly, to learn the core recovery skill of asking for help.
Find Support:
for yourself. Family members i.e. spouses, parents, children are susceptible to their own issues as a result of dealing with addiction in the family i.e. isolation, depression, behavior issues in children, work performance, financial impact. You also become a positive role model for others in your family by seeking help.
Suggested avenues of support:
- Mutual support groups: Al-Anon, Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Celebrate Recovery
- Individual and family psychotherapy
- Family groups: treatment, religious institution, community counseling centers
- Get a sponsor/mentor: someone you can call, anytime to ‘bounce things around’ with before saying or doing something you may regret!
Have an Emergency Plan in place:
Complete a family recovery contract. It is ok for the recovering addict to talk about cravings and relapse – very often in doing so the power of the craving dissipates.
Work with the Team:
Your family member is engaged in a continuum of care. The care team’s objective is to help your family member, and they have the expertise to do it. Most teams welcome information and are happy to provide direction and feedback for you. But they also appreciate having the ‘space’ to engage and work with your family member. They have training and objectivity that you don’t have. Be appropriately involved – come to events when asked to come. Try not to split with the team (call first if you have a question or concerning before aligning with your family member regarding a grievance) – all your family member to grow into independence.
Understand that Recovery is a Process:
It is vital for the newly recovering addict to focus on their individual healing and recovery in the early days of abstinence. During this early period, it is helpful for family members to focus on their own self care and healing in a parallel process. Family healing will eventually develop, but only after a significant period of time and stabilization has transpired. By attending Family Weekends, it can increase the Family’s Recovery process.